Dear sister,
I creat this blog to meet a muslim sister who believe in polygamy. I have great respect for women and esteem their great work at house and at work. I have a very nice wife and I agree her greats efforts to raise children. I have permission from her to seek a co-wife and we have discuss about this. I am sure I will be deal justly with my wives. We want meet a very kind woman who loves children and accept to share our life.
I am also ready to discuss about this sunna (polygyny).
Statistics in USA shows that 100,000 americcan are convert to islam and 4/5 from them are women. Polygyny is a solution for many problem in society. Marriage is a sacred institution and we must respect it.
Polygyny marriage is a solution, not problem; The problem is prostitution and illegal act betweeen man and woman. What is the best for women ?
- TO be girlfriend for someone without any alliance and have children out of marriage (Where is his (or her ) father ?)
- Or to live in house with his husband and be secure. And have father for his child.
I read that 51% of children in West countries are borned out of marriage. It's an anormal situation.
As muslim, I have great respect for women. Those women are our wives,our mothers, our aunts, our sisters and our daughters. They merit all best things in this world and be happy.
Our prophet Mohamed Salla allah alayhy wa sallam incit us to do our prayers at time and take care of women. These are the latest says of our prophet Mohammed SAW before dead PRAYERS and HAVE GOOD BEHAVIOR WITH WOMEN.
Thanks and excuse my english.
I will be happy to read your commentaires.
Wa salam.
27 commentaires:
WOW..I will be a regular reader. I want to see how long it takes you to find a wife....inshaallah you get what you NEED and some of what you want..
assalamu aleikum,
It seems like you speak French, so perhaps you live in France (valid assumption), or perhaps somewhere in the Maghrib.
I will tell you that most people in the US are Christian. You are right, most are not Muslim. But the fact that you think women in America are "prostituting" themselves, especially Muslim women is far from correct. Very far from correct. Remember, accepting Islam in America, is a choice, not an obligation. Noone is making you behave like a Muslim, these women do so out of conviction. So the fact that they would live with their boyfriend 'cuz they are not married is absurd.
In fact, more women in France have children out of wedlock than in the US. And more women in France opt out of having children and husbands altogether. I wonder why. It doesn't matter to me anyway.
I have long wondered why Muslim men choose "convert" or revert sisters to marry as second wives. Do you think we are alone, desperate, or unaware of our rights? I think you are sadly misinformed.
Many revert sisters want to keep those things from their culture that are halal. There are so many things that we have to change form our culture (the way we dress, our celebrations, the food we eat) that it is simply to hard to change absolutely everything including the halal. Doing all the fard is a lot too. So trying to convince a sister to be in a polygynous marriage because it is the sunnah, she will want to experience the sunnah of staying up at night in prayer, or fasting a couple of days of every week, or giving her money to the poor, going on umrahs, before she will choose this sunnah. Remember, the Prophet was also married to Khadijah for many years and many sisters choose to follow that sunnah. Khadijah was the first women to accept the Prophet's message, she was the mother of his kids. She was his supporter and comforter. Many of us, choose THAT sunnah. It was only after she died that he married again.
I am one such revert and before I married my husband, I made sure that I knew my rights AND obligations in Islam. And I hold my husband to them. If he wante dpolygyny in his future, tehn he need to move on. But he didn't. And neither did his dad, or grandad. His grandparents were married many years, and so have his parents, and we have Alhamdulillah been married for 12 years already.
I understand that polygyny is allowed in Islam. I have learned of many different viewpoints, and many different fatwas about marriage and about polygyny throughout the years.
Here is one such example: the Prophet's daughter Fatima did not like to be in a polygynous marriage when she was married to Ali and he never married ANY other woman while Fatima was still alive. And among the Sahaba was Abu Huraira who was never married. Never had children. And interestingly enough, never had any money. These are signs, brother.
I suggest that you look for another wife where you live. Revert sisters know their rights, and if they don't know yet (they are still learning) then, when they do figure it out, you will wish you had looked for a sister in your town/city instead.
Revert sisters from the US have the added advantage of being able to choose their own spouse. And although you may have read stories on the internet or on the blogs about Muslim revert women who have done this, it is rare and that is why their blogs are a novelty amongst people. Also, may of these women (if not most) were married because their husband LIED to them and didn't tell them they were already married.
Again, I wonder why you look for a revert sister. Do you think that we are waiting to be rescued? I will tell you again, that most of us, already know a thing or two about the world, and by Allah making us Muslim, we have already been rescued. If we wanted oppression or injustice, we would have stayed in our old condition and not accepted Islam.
With that, perhaps there is a princess out there for you, but realize that your obligations and responsibilities will increase many times with her. And I will also tell you that many of the revert sisters in the US have children from prior marriages or from prior boyfriends. They are over 30 years old and they are not rich. This is part of the reality of the statistic that you quoted. They to love and deal with family members who aren't Muslim, including ex-spouses who share custody of their children, children who haven't reverted, and parents who visit and don't understand Islam. This is not my story, but is the story of many reverts. As you know, when you marry a person, you marry their family, so the best part for you is that you will be able to do dawah!
salam mon frere,tes intentions ont l'air sinceres,mais une deuxieme epouse apporte beaucoup de responsabilites.Je comprend que certaines nouvelles converties sentent qu'elles n'ont pas le choix,et seulement Allah connait vraiment tes intentions.Je te souhaite bonne chance et prit pour toi et ta famille.
I find your statistics interesting - and if you marry polygynously in the west - the 2nd, 3rd and or 4th wife has no legal standing because the marriage is not legal. It may be religiously binding - but not legally - so the children do not have any rights either - because according to the law the marriage is not legal. This is something I do not understand - if you live in a country where polygyny is illegal how can you believe that Allah will accept this??? If you wish to practice polygyny than it is best if you move to a country that allows it legally.
Salam Aleikoum
what I find interesting is that you say you are "sure you will be able to deal justly with my wives".
How can a person be so sure of his virtue and capabilities ? When even the wives of the Prophet were jealous of Aïcha.
Why do you want to marry ?
Is this to help a woman who can't find a husband, or is this for you ?
Polygyny is not an obligation in Islam. It is just something which is possible under very strict conditions.
What will happen if you can't meet these conditions ? Will you divorce ? Will you be able to mend your first wedding ?
Salam alaikoum mon frère
Incha Allah je serais une lectrice fidèle mais en tant que converti je me pose la question...tu dis dans ton post qu'il est mieux pour les enfants d'avoir un père à la maison. Or la plupart des familles polygames dont j'ai la connaissance, les femmes habitent deux maisons et donc par conséquent le père n'est pas "présent" au jour le jour et malheuresement n'arrive pas à remplir son devoir parental. De toute facon je ne vous juge pas- j'aimerais simplement que vous pourriez eventuellement donner une solution même voire hypothétique. Je suis convaincue que la polygamie peut marcher et j'attends de lire de vos nouvelles. Bonne continuation.
A'salaamu Alaikum,
Fascinating the strange ideas you have about American Muslim women. I too get the impression you think we are naieve and ill-informed. Which means you've not met many, is my 2nd guess.
Latifah has said most of what I would write so I will just say "Ameen" to her comments.
What I am interested in knowing is why your "very nice wife" is agreeing to sharing her husband? Is she looking for someone to help her? Is she looking for some relief from your attentions????
I love my husband dearly and it would break my heart if he decided for no SERIOUS reason (like my poor health) to cut our precious time together in half and give his affection and love to another woman.
Alhamdulillah my husband fears Allah and doesn't have enough money to support an American wife and another wife no matter where she is from.
Just remember brother, American wives are much more expensive than other wives... we are HIGH maintenance and no matter where you live we will spend more money than you can imagine. Think of all those airline tickets home to visit our families and the need for lots of spending money when we visit the USA.
Please remember too that you will not have a legal marriage with the American wife unless you LIE to the American government and CLAIM to be divorced from your first wife. Therefore you will NEVER be allowed to use the American wife to immigrate to the USA. And I have every confidence that a pious Muslim brother who wants to follow the Sunnah and have a polygynous lifestyle would NEVER tell a lie...
And by the way, there's a reason so many American women revert to Islam... it's because they are involved with Muslim men... so don't get your hopes up, most of us are already taken. And the rest of us are way too expensive for most Muslim men living outside the USA to afford.
And if you're worried about prostitution and illegal acts between men and women, better write a blog for the "muslim" men in the west. They are the ones who mainly have these problems, not the revert women.
And did you know there are thousands of children in this country who were abandoned here by their "Muslim" fathers who came here to study from Saudia Arabia and the Gulf, got young American women pregnant (some of them married these girls religiously, not legally) and then left these poor young girls and their own CHILDREN here without batting an eyelash! My Masjid will not longer perform such SHAMEFUL marriages because of the abuse of American women by MUSLIM men.
So if you really want to do good deeds, send some money to the women raising these children alone and help them out. Something tells me many of them aren't Muslim any more. Make dua for them and their children.
I think if you want to do good deeds you will be too busy for a polygynous lifestyle. Your time and money are better spent in other ways.
The guy wishes to marry and his wife is okay with it, what is it to anyone else?
I don't even think he ment to offend 'American women' with what he has said you guys just read way to deep into it LOL!
May Allah bless you and your family with a righteous wife Amin.
With all due respect organic, I have friends and ladies come to the masjid with problems from these relationships. I have just about had it. If these brothers do the deed, then their wives should stop coming around the masjid asking for financial help because their husband is abroad taking care of the other family half of the year.
I have read your blog, and you are young and single. Perhaps you can offer yourself to the brother. You are available, n'est pas?the
Actually, organica, I read your post entitled:
Polygamy Feels like Cheating
http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.com
/2007/01/polygamy-feels-like-cheating.html
So you know what we mean. We don't mean it isn't halal, we are just putting our perspective out there.
what i wonder is if the wife is really okay with it or is she willign to deal with it for the sake of her family? if she had a choice with no pressure or mention of polygamy would she willingly choose it?
If she has no pressure and really agrees to it then, as organic said, what's the problem.
One of the reasons a lot of Muslim men want to marry an American is because they want a white girl.
Assalaamu alaykum.
Brother, it is wonderful that you want to help sisters in need but
why are you focusing only on "new convert muslim woman"?
Instead of looking only at the newly reverted sisters, how about you look to sisters (& their children) who have had to flee from war, starvation and great hardship in their homelands. For example, my family-in-law personally know of many Iraqi sisters living in temporary accomodation (if they are so blessed) on the border of Syria and Iraq. Some of these sisters (may Allah help them) are forced into dishonorable circumstances to put food in their children's mouths.
When I hear of brothers looking for second wives I immediately think of those sisters in some non-Western countries who perhaps do not enjoy the greater comforts and supports that we (maybe sometimes) take for granted here in the west (e.g. welfare).
How noble it would be for a man to take on not only another wife (fisabeelAllah) but her children (whose father has died) as well? Often the sister will have no other family to help her either. The children need a Muslim male role model and insha'Allah that would earn you greater reward perhaps?
I know perhaps it is not as "fun" to marry a 45 year-old sister with five kids than a "westerner: slim, tall, blonde 22 year old, preferably a doctor and virgin" (yes, I have actually heard brothers looking for this kind of wife!! LOL) but because of the superficial nature of some people, the first kind of sister generally has a harder time to find a husband than the second.
Above all a spouse should be choosen for his/her deen:
“A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed.”(Bukhari)
May we all fear Allah and may He reward us for the good we do,ameen.
The last commenter made me think of something else. There happen to be a great number of women in morocco who had children with saudi men who have no divorced them and left them with nothing. The situation is not good and there is no one to take care of them.
Why not marry one of these women? Don't they deserve protection and love as well?
You know that charity first begins in your home. So, along those lines of thinking...if you really want to help someone solely for the sake of allah then you should try to marry someone in your area who needs it.
I totally agree with what Aliyah and UmmAbdurRahman said. Very well said...
Doesn't it say in the Quran to marry the widows and the orphans. There are many in Iraq. Perhaps you can take a trip to Jordan, there are lots of Iraqi sisters in need of help there.
I know of one Morroccan sister who married the husband of my husband's aunt (2nd) wife. Also, Safa's husband married a Morroccan woman too. It looks like Morroccan women like polygyny as much as you do brother, no need to look for one in America.
Brother, even the sister who said it is your right to have another wife would not want to be in your wife's shoes. You should have an honest perspective. Everyone is trying to be very PC but you are not getting an accurate portrayal of the Muslim American woman.
Even UmmAbdurahman (who posted her comments here) had this to say on Organica's post about polygyny:
"At 12:41 PM, UmmAbdurRahman
Glad you finally decided to post this.
I often hear "polygamy when practiced properly......"
I'm going to say that polygamy, even when practiced properly, still sucks for the woman. It still is painful. Does it hurt any less if you husband is fair in dividing his time? To me...NO and that's because whether he divides his time fairly I'm still only getting half of it.
I can't imagine living my life where my husband has happiness, comfort, support and pleasure every day of the week while i get to enjoy all of those things for only half of my time."
I am an American convert and I would never be a second wife. I think you're going to have a hard time finding an American who will be in a polygymous marriage, it runs against our culture. I agree with these sisters, there are a lot of women like Iraqi women who are widowed with children, and in really bad circumstances. If you truly wish to follow Sunnah then search for a sister like that.
I suggest that you make sure your first wife is truly ok with you marrying another, and not that you told her you want to marry another and she had to agree or you would be angry with her.
If she truly is ok, and Allah alem, then I wish you well in your search.
But just imagine, for a minute, how you would feel if your wife married a second husband and spent the nights in his bed. And thats how your wife is going to feel. If you love her, think of her first.
And fear Allah.
Assalaamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatu
Your wife isn't happy about it. She just said ok b/c it's less shameful for her to have a second wife, then a husband who messes around.
don't do it to her.
Is his wife really ok with it or not ok with it? That is the question...
I guess we really wont know ..unless she gets a blog too!lol
What is the best for women ?
Hmmm...
Maybe multiple husbands...
of course women would only consider multiple husbands for the very same reasons men presume (regardless of legalities in the country of residence) they are allowed multiple wives... boredom, unfaithfulness, high sex drive, variety, etc... all, of course, in the "name of religion". What religion is that...oh yes; "Hislam".
Safa, there is a majority of decent and honest Moroccan women, believe me :)
I wonder if this brother found any additional wives? I wonder what his wife(wives?) think of his ability to manage a polygamous marriage relationship? Too bad there is no foloow up
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